Wednesday, August 28, 2013

So you feel like CRAP but have to face the world anyway?

Ok, so I have been fighting with a strained neck for 2 days now and I am grumpy. I don't feel good and pain makes me not like people. For some reason the world does not stop simply because I feel like crap so I still have to go to work and see and talk to other humans, Damn it.

Here is my guide to looking presentable in public with the smallest bit of effort. Unfortunately there is nothing I can do to help change how you actually feel or treat people.

Step one wash your face, remember you feel like shit so your face is going to be all greasy and nasty so you must wash it. I use Mary Kay 3 in 1 cleansing bar, because it has 3 freaking products in one and I don't have time to wash my face.


Primer, this is important this will take all the redness and some of the dark circles under your eyes away. This will be working as a primer and a concealer because you feel like crap and you are streamlining today. You can find this gem at Sephora (must have).


BB Cream, this is in place of your foundation, moisturizer and again is part of your streamline process, I used Tarte because I had a sample on the counter next to me in the bathroom. I was not going to go out of my way to find anything after all I pretty much feel like crap.


You are up to 5 min from washing your face.

Smokey Eye, this is what you choose because no matter what mistakes you make as long as you blend the ever-loving crap out of it, it will look good. I use 3 colors including black, why black? So I don't have to use eyeliner! I do not feel like stabbing my eyeball which is surely what will happen when I feel like shit. Also you can use any eye shadow quad again this is what I had close by.


Bronzer, you need this so you look like you have some color. When you don't feel well you have a tendency to look pale, since you don't want to have to explain to the world what is wrong with you it is necessary to camouflage. Bronzer under cheekbones and at temples, blush on cheekbones, highlighter on the apples of your cheeks.

Another 5 min has passed.



Tarte 4 in 1 Lights, Camera, Splashes mascara. This is waterproof, self curling and all around fantastically amazing. Remember self curling, slap some of this on (this is another must have).


Lips, I used Too Faced Natural Kiss you want a neutral color that you do not need to use a liner with because believe me you don't have time to screw up, that would be just another thing to go wrong in your day. 


Hair, I am lucky enough to have hair that is currently in an obedient stage of growth. I have these crazy natural curls so all I have to do is let my hair down. If you are not so lucky I suggest a ponytail, or a scarf.

total time less than 15 min.



Clothes

Black preferably a jersey cotton dress. Why black? because if for some reason you still may not look alright the public may be under the impression you are going to a funeral.  This is a good way to avoid people since most really don't want to know if you are going to a funeral they will avoid asking you questions. Why jersey cotton? It feels good, lays nicely and does not get wrinkled, because let's face it you feel like shit and unless the item is in a bag fresh from the dry cleaners you aren't going to iron it. Leggings? Sure, make sure they are black I love these Legg's Profiles which I find at WinCo. They are cheap, stronger than Spanx and everyone will tell you how great you look. Shoes: flats not pumps or heels this ties into the possibility of having to attend a funeral. Jewelry none.

Dressed and presentable in less than 30min. Why did you only have 30 min. to get ready? Because you wanted to stay in bed or relax till the very last minute! 


Your other option is always www.peopleofwalmart.com





Thursday, August 8, 2013

Back to School


First Day of School

It is that time again, time to send your beautiful spawn off to learn how to be self aware, smart, and contributing members of society. Of course this is all things they should be learning at home too. Anyway, this is my last kiddo's first year at school and she is really loving Kindergarten. Of course it helps that we have known her kinder teacher since our oldest was in kindergarten. So it is kinda like family, and that is the beautiful thing about our school.

Props to the teachers, I had no idea until right now as I sit in the absolute silence of my kitchen typing, (something I would never have time to do if my kids were home) I realize that all of the noise had to go somewhere. Then I start thinking: well, I only have 4 kids (only, is a relative word here) and they are loud as hell so what must it really be like in that classroom? I know what it is like because I have been in there volunteering many hours of my time in classrooms but still it is not as loud as it is in my home when the kids are here.

What the heck? How do I learn these skills of silence and dull murmur? I have some theories that I am sure are completely wrong but like I said I am alone and it is quiet.

1. Classroom shark: comes out when sound reaches a certain decibel level, of course, can only be purchased at secret teacher store and can only be seen by children.


2. Teacher: appears to adults as beautiful saintly human being but to children mimics Eartha Kitt's character in Ernest Scared Stupid. Being both friendly and crazy looking all at ones confuses children into silence.

3. Bribery: Silence is rewarded by letting children take home the AWESOME classroom mascot stuffed animal which increases the amount of homework the child must do, thereby increasing the amount of parent participation in said homework when all of the weekly happenings must be journaled. Ingenious (whoever thought this up was obviously some type of military strategist).

4. Ultimate weapon: having to go to another classroom, I imagine to a child this would be like a scene from The Shining where Danny keeps telling his mom he doesn't want to go into room 237. 


Of course this is all pure speculation however I am thinking they must learn some pretty amazing stuff in those early childhood development classes and maybe it should be a required class as most of us will probably be parents at sometime.

Thank you teachers for all of your hard work and thank you especially for all of the work you do behind the scenes at home I really appreciate it, even if I don't know you I appreciate it! You are amazing and what you do truly changes lives.