Junior Derby's Dirty Little Secret

I want to clarify something here, I love Junior Roller Derby! These kids skate their hearts out. They skate just as hard as adults and put in just as much practice. Some of these kiddos can even be considered vets having 5 or more years of derby under their belt. They are and will continue to be a force to be reckoned with on the track. It won't be too much longer when your competition will be between the ages of 14-18 and they will have been skating for over 7 years by that time!

What I don't like about junior derby:

Junior Derby is one of the only places it is still "ok" to actively discriminate against players based on sex.

"We would love to schedule with you, but... we WONT PLAY YOUR BOYS." Oh, I understand; so shall I sit the team down and tell the boys, well your team can't play because of you and not because you are a dirty skater or a horrible person but because you were born a boy. Or Should I tell the girls we are going to play this team but we cant use our boys because well, they are boys. This ridiculous form of discrimination is the thing I hate the most. Roller Derby in itself is supposed to be a place where these kinds of things don't matter, and yet here we are teaching boys that they are no good, they have no place here, and you should not get to play. In my whole area I can't even think of 14 boys that even play roller derby. This is not your average boys sport and it is definitely female dominated. So when these boys are at school wearing your logos out there supporting roller derby; despite the teasing they may already receive from the outside world for being different. They then have the very place they go to feel accomplished, part of a team, and family and we say YOU CANT SKATE BECAUSE YOU ARE A BOY!!!!!!!! this is unacceptable!!!!!! This literally hurts my heart, these kids just want to skate and if you force a team to choose to not play their whole team or else then maybe it is time to re-examine your policy.

I know there are some big boys out there, but guess what there are some big girls out there too! I have seen some girls do some serious damage on the track, and I have to honestly say I see less of that from boys. I am really not sure when it became an ok practice but it is really not ok. 

What people think the male junior skater looks like

What male junior skaters really look like

To you junior male skaters, I stand with you. I support you and if you are looking for a friend in the derby community, you have one here! I hope one day the rest of the communiy will follow. Until then, dont give up, skate your dream, and be who you are no matter who tries to hold you down.

So, your little girl wants to dress like a boy?

I am blessed with 4 lovely children. I say blessed as those who know me are aware that 2 of our children came after surgical alteration. I know you are saying how can this be, but put yourself in my shoes when I was literally saying "How the FUCK did this happen? Anyway, water under the parent for life bridge. I have 3 girls, 2 of which have gone through a phase of wanting "boy" style haircuts. I say "boy" style because who really decides that shit, but whatever. My 7 year old decided she wanted a Doctor Who style haircut because lets face it Doctor Who is all kinds of AWESOME. Thankfully I try to surround myself with only the best people, and one of my friends was willing to give my kiddos a haircut in return for some canned yum yums and some fresh bread.

The Conversation

I explained to my lovely little girl that there are people out there who think their opinions are important and that would try to make her feel bad for wanting to look this way. These people would make fun of her and tell her that she looked like a boy or had a boy haircut. I told her that some people don't like change and some people just try to be mean, her response should be either "so" or "yeah I do have a boy haircut and I love it!"  The first day to school was interesting but after she said her "comebacks," although I consider it more of a confirmation of the obvious, that no one said anything because there was no argument or getting upset. She was secure in her choice and I was secure in letting her do it. My job after all is to love her no matter what and that is just how this girl rolls and I love her for it. I did have some experience in this as her older sister did the very same thing and we had given her the very same advice and it worked just as well. 

Repercussions

Since then she has said she is allergic to pink, I have explained to her it is perfectly OK not to like a color but she really isn't allergic to it because it doesn't actually hurt her. So she conceded that she does not like pink. She also does not like dresses. I have to admit I don't like many myself so we are in the same boat here. I know there are some crazies out there who still think girls should wear dresses and boys should wear pants but not everyone wants to rock a dress Jesus style, that is cold and impractical, and while I am sure all those dudes that Jesus lived with wore only practical man-dresses, I say do what makes you happy.

Yes, I Have A Son

Which brings me to my son, he is a crazy kid. Also loves Doctor Who, inventing things, building things wears traditional "boy" clothes. His favorite thing to wear is camo, maybe harder for zombies to see during the apocalypse. I don't know but he carries around "The Zombie Survival Guide" and calls it his bible so he would know more than me. I had a dream about him the other night where he decided to wear high heals with his camo to school, he proceeded to play football in them and the whole time I kept saying "you are going to break an ankle and not be able to skate!" (The Roller Derby here is our one and only sport love) I woke up thinking omg where am I going to get non-slip high heels for my son to play sports in? And this is why that was my quandry. 

You can see this in action here Get to the chopper

He is my kiddo who traded a pink backpack with his "allergic" sister and carried it to school most of the year because she thought the drawings on his orange jansport were the most amazing things ever. Sure he was teased his responses were usually "pink is the manliest color I've ever seen" or "you're just jealous your sister doesn't want to trade for anything of yours." He is totally the kid that would wear high heels to school just because.

What To Make of This Nonsense

Being a parent is super hard, no one can tell you how to do it because basically all we try to do is not screw up the way our parents did. Believe it or not that was their reasoning behind their parenting too. So I have decided I don't care what my kids wear so long as they don't walk down the street in their chonies, they can wear whatever makes them feel like them or whatever feels normal to them. 

So you feel like CRAP but have to face the world anyway?

Ok, so I have been fighting with a strained neck for 2 days now and I am grumpy. I don't feel good and pain makes me not like people. For some reason the world does not stop simply because I feel like crap so I still have to go to work and see and talk to other humans, Damn it.

Here is my guide to looking presentable in public with the smallest bit of effort. Unfortunately there is nothing I can do to help change how you actually feel or treat people.

Step one wash your face, remember you feel like shit so your face is going to be all greasy and nasty so you must wash it. I use Mary Kay 3 in 1 cleansing bar, because it has 3 freaking products in one and I don't have time to wash my face.

Primer, this is important this will take all the redness and some of the dark circles under your eyes away. This will be working as a primer and a concealer because you feel like crap and you are streamlining today. You can find this gem at Sephora (must have).

BB Cream, this is in place of your foundation, moisturizer and again is part of your streamline process, I used Tarte because I had a sample on the counter next to me in the bathroom. I was not going to go out of my way to find anything after all I pretty much feel like crap.

You are up to 5 min from washing your face.

Smokey Eye, this is what you choose because no matter what mistakes you make as long as you blend the ever-loving crap out of it, it will look good. I use 3 colors including black, why black? So I don't have to use eyeliner! I do not feel like stabbing my eyeball which is surely what will happen when I feel like shit. Also you can use any eye shadow quad again this is what I had close by.

Bronzer, you need this so you look like you have some color. When you don't feel well you have a tendency to look pale, since you don't want to have to explain to the world what is wrong with you it is necessary to camouflage. Bronzer under cheekbones and at temples, blush on cheekbones, highlighter on the apples of your cheeks.

Another 5 min has passed.

Tarte 4 in 1 Lights, Camera, Splashes mascara. This is waterproof, self curling and all around fantastically amazing. Remember self curling, slap some of this on (this is another must have).

Lips, I used Too Faced Natural Kiss you want a neutral color that you do not need to use a liner with because believe me you don't have time to screw up, that would be just another thing to go wrong in your day. 

Hair, I am lucky enough to have hair that is currently in an obedient stage of growth. I have these crazy natural curls so all I have to do is let my hair down. If you are not so lucky I suggest a ponytail, or a scarf.

total time less than 15 min.

Clothes

Black preferably a jersey cotton dress. Why black? because if for some reason you still may not look alright the public may be under the impression you are going to a funeral.  This is a good way to avoid people since most really don't want to know if you are going to a funeral they will avoid asking you questions. Why jersey cotton? It feels good, lays nicely and does not get wrinkled, because let's face it you feel like shit and unless the item is in a bag fresh from the dry cleaners you aren't going to iron it. Leggings? Sure, make sure they are black I love these Legg's Profiles which I find at WinCo. They are cheap, stronger than Spanx and everyone will tell you how great you look. Shoes: flats not pumps or heels this ties into the possibility of having to attend a funeral. Jewelry none.

Dressed and presentable in less than 30min. Why did you only have 30 min. to get ready? Because you wanted to stay in bed or relax till the very last minute! 

Your other option is always www.peopleofwalmart.com

Back to School

First Day of School

It is that time again, time to send your beautiful spawn off to learn how to be self aware, smart, and contributing members of society. Of course this is all things they should be learning at home too. Anyway, this is my last kiddo's first year at school and she is really loving Kindergarten. Of course it helps that we have known her kinder teacher since our oldest was in kindergarten. So it is kinda like family, and that is the beautiful thing about our school.

Props to the teachers, I had no idea until right now as I sit in the absolute silence of my kitchen typing, (something I would never have time to do if my kids were home) I realize that all of the noise had to go somewhere. Then I start thinking: well, I only have 4 kids (only, is a relative word here) and they are loud as hell so what must it really be like in that classroom? I know what it is like because I have been in there volunteering many hours of my time in classrooms but still it is not as loud as it is in my home when the kids are here.

What the heck? How do I learn these skills of silence and dull murmur? I have some theories that I am sure are completely wrong but like I said I am alone and it is quiet.

1. Classroom shark: comes out when sound reaches a certain decibel level, of course, can only be purchased at secret teacher store and can only be seen by children.

2. Teacher: appears to adults as beautiful saintly human being but to children mimics Eartha Kitt's character in Ernest Scared Stupid. Being both friendly and crazy looking all at ones confuses children into silence.

3. Bribery: Silence is rewarded by letting children take home the AWESOME classroom mascot stuffed animal which increases the amount of homework the child must do, thereby increasing the amount of parent participation in said homework when all of the weekly happenings must be journaled. Ingenious (whoever thought this up was obviously some type of military strategist).

4. Ultimate weapon: having to go to another classroom, I imagine to a child this would be like a scene from The Shining where Danny keeps telling his mom he doesn't want to go into room 237. 

Of course this is all pure speculation however I am thinking they must learn some pretty amazing stuff in those early childhood development classes and maybe it should be a required class as most of us will probably be parents at sometime.

Thank you teachers for all of your hard work and thank you especially for all of the work you do behind the scenes at home I really appreciate it, even if I don't know you I appreciate it! You are amazing and what you do truly changes lives.

Slacker of Epic Proportions

So, I decided to take a look at my long abandoned blog and am not surprised to see I have not posted anything for well over a year. Why is this? I am sure you don't wonder, but I will tell you anyway. I am a justifiable slacker. Justifiable meaning I can think of so many valid reasons to justify my lack of time to write anything. Granted I have been busy but in all honesty I am so happy when I have a few minutes to sit down and do nothing that I decide I deserve to enjoy it. To make a long story extremely short. I have allot to share and I am too lazy to share it. I promise to do better for my reading audience (sorry government employee forced to read this).

My first bit of exciting news is we have a bee hive. I am, of course, extremely afraid of bees so this has been a little bit of an adventure for me. I am trying to be extra brave and also try to visit the hive a few times a week so that one day I can attain zero bee fear bad-assery. Well, as you can see from my blog this is probably going to take at least 5 years. Meanwhile I have learned that bees are amazing! I know of no other place where thousands of females live together and work so hard for one common goal! It is amazing, these bees work so hard that they literally work themselves to death. I know in the real world the women would be shit talking that queen for at least 5 minutes a day. Why only 5 minutes? because once they were done with their complaint they would say "at least I'm not laying 2,000 eggs a day"! I have some definite respect for my lady bees.

My other bit of news FURLOUGHS =(  I am sad to say my husband was smacked with furlough days and my spendable cash has dwindled to almost nothing. I am living life like the favorite child of a penny pinching commune fathered by Scrooge McDuck. Except for the whole swimming in gold coins bit. So I will probably be writing a little about living on the cheap because that is my current life challenge. I am sure I will learn some interesting worth while information and I will try to remember to share it, maybe ;-) Until next time...

Oh, The Horror Of It All...

I love horror movies. Yep, I do. Not only me but my whole family loves horror movies. It is not uncommon to find us all sitting around watching something creepy and then plan to re-inact it on Halloween.

So before you all decide I am crazy let's pick apart a horror movie and we can start with "Scream" not one of my favorites but it incorporates "the rules" of a horror movie which is always one of the most important things to remember when watching. This is one of your standard slasher movies in which the core group being attacked are high-schoolers. We start with the murder of a girl alone at home who decides to flirt with some stranger over the phone. Bad choices = bad consequences. This is always a main theme of a horror movie. Especially if those choices are drugs, drinking, and casual sex. Since these activities are rampant among teens they make an easy target for the psychotic murderer. If you move on from this type of film to something like "Last house on the Left" you see what happens when parents are involved and it isn't pretty for the psychotic murderer. Back to "Scream" we see that these kids begin to formulate a plan for survival but are always thwarted by the "it can't happen to me" attitude and end up dead in a myriad of creative and horrific ways. Until we reach the end when the good kids live and the virginal, quick thinking GIRL saves the day.

So tell me what about this would I not want to impart to my children? Make bad decisions and it could kill you, is that extreme? Yes, unless you are the parent of a child who has died from a poor choice. Be smart and always be aware of your surroundings, this is good advice for everyone. Your boyfriend could be a crazy stalker murderer, thankfully this isn't always the case but unfortunately it has happened so be careful ladies and gents. Girls are strong and can save the day, hell yes they are and can. I do not want my kids to be limited by society's idea that only a man can save the day. 

Horror movies are a great way to open communication to talk about many different things that ordinarily you may have a hard way to ease into. 

As an end I am making a list of our top 3 favorite horror movies enjoy!

Hubby

1. Hush, Hush Sweet Charlotte
2. Psycho
3. Silence of the Lambs

Me

1. Homicidal
2. Where Sleeping Dogs Lie
3. The Wicker Man

Son (13)

1. Friday the 13th
2. Resident Evil
3. Halloween

Oldest Daughter (12)

1. Candyman
2. Descent
3. The Ring

Middle Daughter (6)

1. Dead Silence
2. Monster House
3. Sweeny Todd

Youngest Daughter (4)

1. Trick r Treat
2. Silent Hill
3. Jaws

This is by no means an exhaustive list believe me there are soooo many I would love to list. I would love to hear what some of you favorites are. 

Well behaved women seldom make history.......

I see this little quote all over the place, have you seen it? It seems to have been turned into an anthem for women everywhere. What does it mean?

It was in an article for “American Quarterly,” about the pious and extremely well-behaved colonial women described by Cotton Mather as “the hidden ones,” that Ulrich made her now familiar observation . The author of the sentence is Laurel Thatcher Ulrich who has since written a book of the same title. 

I feel we as women take so many things for granted, there was a time when our voices were not heard, when we were basically equal to slaves. Yet women worked within those societal and oftentimes legal confines to make a way for themselves and their daughters a way to have a voice and an opinion and a way to be safe in their homes. These women were amazing soldiers in the war of equality among men and society, we have come a very long way. These women took a stand against injustice and made themselves be heard, they did it with grace, with elocution, with education, with families at home, with husbands and families that weren't supportive, they did it because they felt a calling. So when I see these stickers and t-shirts and mugs with this cute little saying, I wonder do you know the women you are referring to, is it you? Are you facilitating change? Are you raising women to stand in the face of adversity and to do what is right despite the cost? It's a tall order and a great burden but as we have seen in the past and will see in the future we can bear it and we will carry on the torches handed to us by those beautiful strong souls that have come before us.

We are not done yet changes are coming, women are still enslaved are still unequal are still treated as property. I have hope that one day freedom and equality for women will be worldwide.

Meet 100 Women Who Changed The World

Time to CLEAN house!

Uggghhh it's that time again! Time to clean house, admittedly this is something I do about once a week, I know I'm a slob. I currently have about 5 loads of laundry to wash fold and put away by Friday, my fridge to clean out bathrooms to clean and a floor to mop. It may not sound like allot but it is.

So lets go with laundry...
Me and laundry we have a love hate relationship I hate washing folding and putting away clothes, however I like wearing it. And let's just say for arguments sake the general public is also grateful that I wear clothes.
So here is what a normal dirty laundry pile and clean laundry pile look like at my house... To your right is a lovely pile of dirty laundry, I firmly believe this pile is capable of hiding at least one adult or two children.
And the lovely picture to your left would be the mounds that now need to be folded and put away, I would like to add that they are all placed on a lovely made bed so I feel like I should get some bonus points for that or something.


The fridge was much easier to keep clean before I started juicing, now it is full of so many veggies that it looks like I am trying to turn my fridge into a greenhouse. But Again I think I should get some points here for the "starting to make healthier choices" category.

Bathrooms are the bane of my existence, Why do they not clean themselves already? What is a soap and make-up hoarder supposed to do to keep a bathroom clean? On top of that bathroom number two is used almost solely by children which makes it even harder to keep clean. I think they each use a quarter of a toothpaste tube to brush their teeth every morning.

So for a while I did flylady which works really really well if you have the time to put into it, I know its only supposed to take a few minutes but in reality it takes a bit more time. I did this for quite a while and then something happened. I have heard of this happening to other people but I had no idea just how much time

the Derby Monster can take to tame. Now if you know derby at all you know it isn't all skating it's committees and groups and games and papers and studying and 50 emails, texts, facebook messages, or calls in one day especially if a game is coming up. Of curse I wouldn't change it for the world which means the world has to understand that the house only gets cleaned about once a week. 

Oh by the way I need to get a move on it because I have practice tonight!

Time to pull up the big girl panties...

I am sitting here drinking my green lemonade (a juice I made out of: 2 apples, 1 lemon, 1 head of romaine, and 5 or so Kale leaves) and I am thinking "SOOOOO it is time to pull up the big girl panties and make some changes." 

Yummy green lemonade

I really hate change because it makes me uncomfortable, but I recently heard a crazy ass (awesome) coach say "do something everyday that scares you" That's not me I don't do that! I am starting to think maybe it is time. Today I am wearing my skates all day.

Do you not see the large grout lines here!!!! By the way, I made my lemonade with skates on.

 I know that may not seem too scary to some of you but to me it is frightening. I have huge tiles with huge grout lines (meaning huge cracks, see them they are HUGE) I hate cracks. I have had a very close relationship with a crack in a park and I have to say when you are a "big girl" you don't catch air often but this mighty crack sent me flyin'!!!

It's time to challenge myself. This is pretty hard for me because I am big and slow and self conscious  about my lacking skill set. I hate to feel like I may be holding someone back but I hate the idea that I may be the only thing holding myself back, even more. It's time for me to see what I am capable of, maybe it isn't what I have hoped but how will I ever know if I don't pursue it? Last night one of the beautiful people I know (all the people I know are beautiful to me in some way or another) gave me a little reality check. I hate being figured out and she did it in like a few seconds, she had my number before I even opened my mouth to give it to her! Time to move on or stay put. the choice is up to me. Harsh words and I think I heard them because she said it not to be mean but because it was the truth.

How bout you are you holding back from something that you know you can accomplish? Are you the voice inside your own head telling yourself you can't do it or you aren't good enough? How will you ever know what you are capable if you don't give it all you got?

It's time to Doooo Itttttt!!!!

I really want steak for dinner, please...

Ok, I am not vegetarian by any sense of the imagination. I do like to drink fresh juices and I really love salads but that's about it. As for meat I love it especially in the form of bacon. So last night I made some asparagus, mushroom, onion and cheese stuffed chicken breasts. My littlest says "Please Mom no rice, I hate rice". Like we have rice with every meal or something! We don't, but even when I make it, it is usually some kind of special rice, not plain rice. So I am feeling a little defeated right about now because my baby thinks my rice stinks. I recover from setbacks pretty quickly and I say "how about salad". She is good with salad, which she refers to as "flowers". So as soon as I pull my beautiful stuffed chicken out of the oven, my oldest says "Mom, can we have steak for dinner tomorrow, I really just want some steak". Of course you want steak because I made this beautiful chicken!!!! Man, it was not my night. Of course dad scored the home run because his contribution to dinner was Oreos. How can I compete with Oreos?

So as for the workout I suggested that I would be doing yesterday, I totally lied. I didn't do it. But I did do it this morning. I even have a really good (at least in my mind) reason for putting it off. See if I did it yesterday I would be sore today and since I have practice today I might as well do my workout and practice in the same day so I can be sore tomorrow, an off practice day. I know it totally makes sense, to a procrastinator! Anyway I did my Ketteworx and I survived. It even felt a little good. My knees are still giving me some trouble so I am drinking my comfrey root tea, and applying my comfrey ointment. Not to mention taking some glucosamine. I feel like an old lady!

The rest of my plans today include Silent Hill Downpour and some knitting. working on the Pendleton Cowl from the Stumptown Knits KAL, oh and I almost forgot I have to go pick up some steak...

NSO's are Superstars too! Um, WTH is an NSO?

The NSO or Non-Skating Official is a statistics person that stands in the middle of the track. So cool but I still don't know wth you are talking about! If you play or watch Roller Derby you know exactly what I am talking about! That's right Roller Derby, no not that "Whip It" thing ( I love that movie by the way). No not quite like you used to see on TV either. I am talking about Women's Flat Track Roller Derby, a strategic game of speed, agility, and physical contact. Yes there are some booty shorts involved and often times some fishnets but these girls are hard core athletes and deserve to be treated as such.

Now an NSO would be the people you see in black in the center of the track with the refs. These volunteers (none of us get paid) track scores, penalties, jams, the penalty box and perform a multitude of other tasks. So when the refs are making those calls the NSO's write it all down, when the ref gives the score the NSO's keep track. Don't get me wrong I love my refs, but sometimes they make a call using only hand signals, now it still needs to be written down so you have to be familiar with rules and hand signals. We make sure the scores are correct, we let teams know when their players are close to a major (a penalty that you have to sit in the box for), We have to listen to many different refs at once and decipher the information given in a matter of seconds (since a jam only lasts up to 2 minutes it is very fast paced).  On top of all of that  we have to wear black because we are as neutral as Switzerland and we CANNOT cheer for our favorite skaters or our team. That was in bold because I totally understand that rule but it blows.

We NSO's try to keep the same standards so we have online boards and groups to confer with each other. WFTDA training clinics are held annually where you can hone your NSOing abilities and use them at national levels. We are there for the love of the game and to support the girls that have worked their booty short covered asses off to bout. So thank an NSO for their dedication to the sport and the team and if you think you might be interested in giving it a shot contact your local league, I am positive you have one in your area or one really close by.

Non-Skating Official/Volunteer Descriptions of Positions

Inside Penalty Tracker—Writes minor and major penalties that skaters receive during the bout 
on penalty tracker sheet.  Must pay attention to inside penalty referee who tells you what type of 
penalty and which skater receives a penalty. 


Outside Penalty Tracker—Writes major and minor penalties on dry erase board for NSOs who 
relay outside penalty information to inside penalty trackers.  Must pay attention to outside penalty 
referees who tells you what type of penalty and which skater receives a penalty. 


Scorekeeper—Writes each jam’s score on scorekeeping sheet.  One scorekeeper must relay each 
jam’s score to the scoreboard operator.  Must pay attention to jam referee to get score of each jam. 


Penalty Box Timer—Times skaters’ penalties when they sit in box. 


Jam Clock Timer—Blows whistle to signal the start and end of each jam, and when the pack passes 
the pivot line, allowing the jammers to go. 


Scoreboard Operator—Uses computer program to time the period, jam, and 30 seconds between 
jams; and inputs each team’s jam score from the scorekeeper.


Inside Stat Board—Indicates on large dry-erase board which skaters have 3 minor penalties, and 
need to go to penalty box for the forth minor. 
Relaying outside penalty info to inside penalty trackers—Sees minor penalties written on the 
outside penalty dry erase board and tells the inside stat board and inside penalty trackers to mark a 
minor penalty for the skater and the penalty. 


Door Checker—Stands at the door entrance and tallies the number of adult and children’s pre-sale 
tickets, and the number of adult and children attendees who pay at the door.   


Line-up Tracker—For each jam, writes players’ numbers and indicates if a player entered the 
penalty box in the middle of a jam or started a jam in the penalty box. 


Merchandise—Sets up merchandise table and items for purchase.  Completes merchandise form 
that tallies the number of merchandise items prior to selling and after final purchases at the end of 
each bout (home and away). 

Announcer—Announces both teams at bout and provides commentary of action during bout and 
promotes merchandise and attending after bout party. 


Photographer—Takes professional-looking pictures at home bouts. 

Videographer—Records video of home bouts. 

EMT/Medical Assistance—Provides medical assistance to hurt skaters during the bout.